"an extraordinary intoxicating masterpiece"
yesterday was a really wonderful day. a friend of mine had her 17th birthday and we went out, first an absolutely delicious sushi & chinese buffet, then cinema and finally we went to a party, located in an old prision. we watched black swan and this is such a fantastic movie, it absolutely deserves his 5 Oscar nominations. a dark,dramatic and horror atmosphere basked in a classic ballet romance. i love the story and the confusion of truth and delusion, you never know if it is real or not, you don't even know if those horrible things are just pictures to express the unbelievable pressure and the ambition for perfection. and it does not happen that often that the whole audience keeps sitting and keeps so unbelievably quiet after a movie ended. it was a - oh wow, what a impressing movie - silence. breathtaking.


time for a brand new DROPDEAD-wishlist. i think you know the grey sweatshirt already; i keep talking and thinking about it in some older posts and at the moment they would even have it in stock, so what keeps me from ordering ? nothing. maybe the thing that it's a bit expensive. $50. but i think it's worth it, and no one up here would wear the same, just because of the fact that you can't buy it in stores here in germany. this is what i hate about it. we've got only one Urban Outfitters store here, and that store is about 800km away from me. i hate it. i hate that there is no newlook, no primark, no babycakes, no dropdead, no topshop, just h&m, nothing else. it sucks. germany sucks.


i'm feeling like my brain is completely flooded with crap. i'm connecting everything to Fringe. i have to only switch the radio on , hear a song and i keep thinking i would hear a variation of the Fringe theme in it. i should really stop watching it that frequently. but it is a way of screwing myself. i keep saying to my brain i'm doing something for school if i watch the episodes in english and it accepts. it does work and that is frightening. so it is not just Fringe that floods my brain, it is fashion, drawing or rather the need to draw, words, and some strange ideas for my human-machine. i feel like my brain is drowning in that wave of information and confusing thoughts, i feel like it is ready to explode sometimes.. what leads me back to Fringe.. brain and exploding heads. uuh ♥ what i need is some space in there, endless space. my brain is so confused and flooded with crap that i'm kind of physically present while my thoughts are flying out, exploring the galaxy and i don't get anything people tell me. kind of annoying for my friends i think :P

oh my gosh. space is so unbeliveably inspiring. endless and unxplored darkness spotted with some sparkling stars and misterious nebulae. black holes and dark matter. we will never reach the end of it. infinity. infinity and endless space, endless possibilities and endless inspiration.

over the moon.

first i didn't make a complete idiot of myself at the meeting with the canadians & i'm really satisfied with myself too because i was brave enough to even ask some questions without making some stupid mistakes. :D those guys were really awesome, they told us a lot about ice hockey and canada and at the end we all got some autographs and a free ticket for the match on friday. that's so cool, i've never been to any ice hockey game so i'm definitely going to take the chance and watch the game. and second as i came home today from school i opened the letter box and found a small brown package adressed to me. while i was wondering what might be in there i suddenly remembered i ordered something last sunday. it was the second season of FRINGE. i quickly opened the package and yeah it was really in there - oh my gosh - they were really fast and i could hardly stop myself from jumping around in the house . . i love this series and now i can watch the complete second season and get the whole background story of peter, olivia, walter and the alternative universe. so i'm gonna finish here right now to watch the first episode ;D how could that day have been better ? ♥


i'm really excited. tomorrow some canadian ice hockey players are going to visit our english class and we should ask them some questions about canada, ice hockey and things like that to improve our english speaking skills. i'm so afraid this could be embarassing. i know i'll make some really silly mistakes and i don't want them to think 'oh my gosh, she's such an idiot.' so, yeah, i'm quite nervous. that's so stupid, they are only ice hockey players ! i'm really thinking of myself being a complete oaf right now. why am i afraid ?! i absolutely have to cool down. i have some good questions like ' how do you think about the way they show the canadians in south park with those split up heads that are shaking all the time ?' :D no i was just kidding, i'd ask 'have you been to the olympic winter games in vancouver last year?' and 'why did you choose ice hockey?' i think it will be great tomorrow, hopefully NOT embarassing.

OMG. i didn't realize canada has such an amazing and beautiful landscape.. the lake is breathtaking. just take a look at the colour of the water. unbelievable. by the way they are shooting the fringe series in vancouver :D now i really love canada ♥


sidebar-update. i'va added a photo and a short 'ABOUT'-me, a small camera-info and i'm planning to add some links so i can feature all my favourite websites and online stores. i really feelt like changing something on my blogs appearance.. it was just too white there at the right side. maybe i should add some more pictures too.. 

sketch book.

i had to do this special sketch book about music and art for school and today i turned it in. i'm very nervous about what my theacher thinks but what is even more frightening is the fact that i feel like there is missing a part of me. i was working so hard on it and now that i don't have it anymore i feel lost. that's just because i'm stupidly thinking i can't write down if i had a new or brilliant idea. for that i could just use another white paper and write it into the sketch book later.. the purpose of that book was to develop a special project how music could be expressed in art. i'm thinking of doing a kind of mechanical human, filled with all those sounds we hear in our everyday life. there should be sounds that are completely unimportant , sounds we don't really hear anymore, like the ticking of a clock. combined with some light effects it will create a really phantastic atmosphere. 'the sound of life' ; some inspirations:

- my machine should be nearly human. if i switch it on i won't be able to switch it off again until it's energy is completely used up. this machine is going to die. nothing will work without the batteries. soon some sounds will be missing and in the end there will be nothing but dark silence. it's getting older like a real person. and the last sound you'll hear is the beating of it's heart.


i'm not satisfied. i'm pretty never satisfied with anything. i hate my hair ; body ; face ; drawing skills ; attitude ; chaotic room ; clothes ; i hate just everything right now. it's not good enough, i'm not good enough. instead of drawing or learning or doing just anything reasonable i'm hanging around in facebook. i'm so disappointed of myself. i'm just distracted too much. the internet could be such a great source of inspiration but i'm just ending up wasting my time in facebook everytime. WHY? why can't i just switch off my notebook and draw ? yeah, i could. but i don't do it. why? i really should force myself to spend less time in facebook. it's only wasted time. i promise, i'll..

x a new sketchbook
x ..draw every evening
x ..limit facebook time
x more sports
x ..take more photos, especially with my HOLGA
x more phantastic activities with my friends ♥
x ..sell my old and hated clothes
x new, fabulous clothes
x for a work placement in a design agency
x passably brilliant a-levels
x ..finally know what i want to study.

i know i will do it. i'm gonna reach my aims, cause there's nothing else to fight for.


i had some beautiful days with snowboarding, ice skating, wonderful friends, hot chocolate & short nights. Wednesday i went ice skating with Julie on a small lake in thalham, a very small village where Julie lives, just about 1km away from the village where i live. i was really crackbrained to go there by bike, i nearly died, it was so cold i couldn't move my fingers and toes anymore when i was at home again. but it was a wonderful day anyway ♥ Thursday i went snowboarding with my dad, his girlfriend and my sister. it was a small but a nice skiing area with some easy and medium slopes and once again i sensed how much i love snowboarding. i just felt free and couldn't stop smiling. everything was perfect, even the freezing rain and the fact that my trousers and gloves were totally wet couldn't make me think different. the next day i woke up with headache, sore throat and cough. so i stayed on the sofa the whole day, watched about 7 episodes of Fringe, season 1, drank 2 cups of hot milk and honey, took some pills and at the end of the day  i was fit again. the next day i had to get up at 5am to take a bus that brought us to austria for snowboarding again. i went there with Danja ♥ and the outward journey was horrible. we couldn't sleep, the seats were really uncomfortable and it was so hot in that bus. as we arrived my mood changed from 'i just wanna die' to 'this is what makes life worth living!' and as we went upwards with the gondola i couldn't wait to ride down the slopes, touching the cold snow, felling the speed and the air flow. at noon the sun came out and it was such a beautiful day. at the end we were both totally exhausted, and after falling more than riding we decided to relax in the canvas chairs they arranged at the mountain top. if you closed your eyes you could have felt like lying at the beach because of the warm and shiny sunlight. just wonderful ♥ 


OMG! i'm nearly jumping around here in my room 'cause i noticed that the third season of Fringe  is launching next Monday in german tv & i thought they won't show it anymore! i'm so courious.. why couldn't it start today already ? ah how will i survive this week of waiting ?! no, just kidding :D but i really love this series ♥ it's so inspiring ; those phenomena are theoretically possible in reality & that makes it so unbelievable authentic ; i love this dark atmosphere and the imagination of a second universe that lives parallel to ours .. i watched a lot of series, but none is as brilliant as this one.

lost in space.